Yesterday marked 90 days since I've found it necessary to pick up a drink or a drug. I mention this because AA celebrates 90 days as a milestone, worthy of a brass coin. 90 days doesn't sound like much when I know I've had longer times than that, but it feels better than any 90 days I've put together since throwing away my 4 years in 2018. I’m not trying to pat myself on the back, I don’t think I had much to do with this occurrence, its just showing up to receive good fortune.
I don’t think about getting high, it literally never occurs to me, which is amazing because it was all I thought about when I was out there on the street fucking up. I couldn't stomach being inside my natural emotional state for even one minute, let alone 90 days.
On Saturday I went out in the city on my own for the first time, and it was like I didn't notice any of the crack fuckary that goes on all over the place. I went to Washington square park (my favorite place) and walked through SoHo to Chinatown. I had some dumplings, played some Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 at the arcade and came home 4 hours earlier than I was expected to. I could’ve picked up some intoxicants, as I had some money, but it never occurred to me for even one minute.
Maybe I should stop, look around and consider it a miracle. 91 days ago I was blacked out in a psych ward on Clonazepam and Suboxone, having just survived the 3rd intentional heroin overdose of the week. I was lost, but now I’m found, was blind but now I see.
It might come off as corny, but I don’t care, this 91 day is a cause for celebration, I will drink nice coffee and eat those gummy coke bottles I like.
