Actual Ev

Ev R0ck
4 min readMay 17, 2024

Or, now: AKA 3v20xx

Oh, right, the blog. I often forget about it, especially with the other ways of expressing myself (music, video editing) vying for my very limited attention span. Those things have been going very well. I had to make a whole new soundcloud account just for the very different kind of music that’s been coming out of my brain’s nearly symbiotic relationship with the thinking machines I’m so attached to. more on that later, I just want to post the YouTube short I made to advertise the existence of this new soundcloud:

So, while i’m on it: I firmly believe that these various instances of artificial intelligence that i’m using have accelerated my journey toward self-actualization. I am happier with the stuff that’s coming out then I have ever been about anything before it, and i’ve been using electronics to make music since 2005, when I bought a pre-owned copy of the Playstation 2 MTV music generator disc at a Blockbuster Video store near where I was living with my girlfriend in Dorchester, MA (just south of South Boston). Like any former “gifted” kid, I generally tie my self-esteem to the work I do, and so I feel pretty good.

The other reason I feel pretty good, and forget to blog is the fact that I have a social life. So, I have a bunch of really weird friends. Many of them are queer, some of them are trans-gendered, some of them are musicians, while others are “content creators” of other mediums. They are all creative in some way, and have interesting shit to talk about. Last night I was discussing AI (i’m always discussing that), quantum theory and the fourth dimension (which is time, by the way), the psychedelic phenomenon of ego-death and how it’s a catalyst for more profound human empathy, and the insane clown posse. I was sitting around a table with a female “BBW/MILF” porn star, and a self proclaimed Juggalo, who it turns out knows nearly as much about music as I do (this kid knew this really obscure Aphex Twin remix of a Nine Inch Nails track, that i was sure that no one but my cousin Phil and I had remembered from 1994).

It must be pretty textbook, someone grows up in a little town somewhere (Plymouth, Ma for me) and ends up in NYC with a bunch of friends who are as weird (or weirder) than they are. They make the weird art they wanted to make all along, and live the weird way they wanted to live all along. I’m not going to end up like Michael Alig, but I watched “Party Monster” as a throwback the other day, and it was pretty much that story, it’s just too bad Macaulay Culkin’s Alig character ended up a junkie who murdered his drug dealing roommate… true story, decent film. I try not to think of myself as that unique, I’m pretty textbook, actually. Don’t worry, i’m not a junkie and i’m not going to murder anyone. I am going to end up at some places where I can dance, though, fucking finally.

Somehow, I’m fortunate enough to accidentally stumble (through decades of really poor choices) right into a life that I find quite fulfilling, despite often not having any money. The whole not having money thing isn’t only a real bummer when I let it be, and I am so working on that.

OK, I’ve blown all of my blogging fuel with all of this stuff about self-actualization and the fourth dimension, while drinking a cotton candy Faygo soda (for ICP) . I have a feeling i’ll cringe at this unbridled optimism the next time I’m sweating a bowl of oatmeal, and an A-Train to Manhattan. It’s OK, i’m used to the cringe, I don’t think you should kill the cringe behavior… I think you should kill the person who cringes at it (figuratively).

Speaking of Oatmeal and A-Train rides to Manhattan ($2.90). I wanted to go see my mentor Mariano for the first time in 6 months on Tuesday in the Lower East Side, we’re going to talk about adding to the short documentary we made that a few small audiences have seen. We’re also going to talk about how I learned that he’s a former Israeli soldier who writes protest songs against the IDF in Hebrew (that’s some deep shit to find out, right there). Yes, folks this is the part of the post where I tell you that you could help me go back to Alphabet City, where coincidentally a lot of the “Party Monster”s hung out:



Ev R0ck

Embracing the unconventional path, empowering others to create, connect, and thrive.