alright.
alright, man…i cant think about it. lets go.
it’s been busy times. i’ve been dealing with anxiety attacks and post traumatic stress (from hella traumatic shit). also a bunch of ADHD shit, because i won’t take amphetamines. i’ve had my lithium increased, it’s a little slower…but occasionally too slow, i guess. we’ll see.
it’s not helpful that i’ve been having roomate drama. i don’t even want to get into the whole play by play, but if you’re an avid reader of this blog you’ll remeber that back in march i was having issues…well, despite promises from my housing people…the issues remain.
one of the issues might have been under the impression that due to my small stature, i’m a punk.
he found out he was dead wrong in that assumption.
this is my home, it’s fantastic, and nobody will be fucking it up.
i think i’ll link some of the work i’ve put out in other mediums.
-this represents a signifcant step forward for me musically, i’m not sure how it came out of me.
grateful dead cover i had been working on and off with for about a year, contains references to a song by the feelies, and one by bjork.
i don’t know when it happened, but i responded to a really kind reader comment with something like “now that i don’t hate myself anymore…”
that’s it, man. that’s why I’m establishing new parameters for myself, and others if they fucking push me.
i’m not sitting in toxic shame over my shortfalls, mistakes and misteps. i don’y have time…it’s not that i don’t hold myself accountable at all, for anything, it’s just that i’ve got too much unique talent to send into the universe. the fear of falling on my face kept me from a life that i want to be living, the kind of life where i know there are certain things that don’t allign with who that is, and where he wants to.
i was afraid to write for 2 decades, and then 4 years ago i got back to it, and now look:
i’m applying that ethos and going for it, in whatever i do.
oh yeah, i couldnt start that job, because i had been in the hospital 2 times that week for stress related chest pain, and when i showed up i couldnt even fill out the I9. my finances: not good. i guess i can start again another time, but maybe this is what i want to be doing (creative stuff).
plz halp: https://ko-fi.com/evr0ck17
i make so much stuff i cant even really keep track of it, that’s one of the things i’m working on
