Fuck man…you know? I’m sorry. I’m sorry I fell apart, I’m sorry I did it on the internet, I’m sorry I did it in people’s sms text message inbox, on the phone, and in the city. I’m sorry I had too much to say, and I said too much… I’m sorry I was stuck swimming around in delusions of grandeur… hyper egotistical….hyper sexual. I apologize for being inappropriate everywhere and all over. I just want to Move on , can we? I want to keep walking, keep writing, living a life that’s sort of decent. Let me shake off the dirt and keep going. Because I am not dirt I just got dirty. I’m shaking it off.
That way Isn’t the way I want to be going . That person is not the person I want to be. I hate the shame and regret.
fuck, when you go insane…you do insane things.
I am probably more embarrassed than there’s even call for, but that’s an overwhelming feeling I have.
Maybe No one else as is angry about it as I am. Relapse, mental illness , and everything that’s gone on over the past month and a half, I’m so pissed. It makes me feel like everyone else is pissed ,but maybe they understand better than I do, I don’t know. Of Course all I think about is what other people think that’s how I am… fundamental flaw.
Here I am trying to let it go… so I can move on and keep writing…. About something else. Trying to believe that I deserve better and can do better and be healthy and happy.
I lost interest in all my interests, I want to get them back. To construct sentences and paragraphs about them, and share them with everyone else. Can I?
“Or , you could just forgive me” — Ben Folds
