thank you, thank you thank you for reading my work! i really mean it from the bottom of my whole being.
i know its my job as a writer is to adequately articulate things (concepts, feelings, events)but right now i'm at a loss for words over the incredible reader response generated around my writing in this blog. i am simultaneously in one of my toughest and most panful emotional spots ever, while also being wholly gratified by other humans reacting to my work like i've never experienced.
so: in little 5$ buymeacoffee.com donation increments, my blog has generated over 100 dollars since yesterday around .PM maybe 100 isn't much where you're standing i can only say that it's pretty much a fortune to me.
i woke up yesterday worried about food insecurity and losing my cellphone line to non payment. my rehab stay got delayed nearly a week and i didn't know how i was gonna make it one day, let alone six. and here i am, quite confident ill make it with some degree of comfort, a full belly and enough smokes.
i fucking hate money, if i didn't need money to live, id still be hammering my sentiments into my laptop keyboard as much as i could. we all know that money isn't even real… until you've got none. once your out of it, then its real as all fuck. that's where i usually sit, financially, in the real as all fuck spot. the point of this appreciation post is a lot more than 115$. it's about connection with others, and trying to move a little lighter with a little less baggage.
it’s the fact that people can connect with very raw and painful things i've chosen to lay out, despite it scaring the shit out of me to even try to let it out.. it’s recognition for the thing's i wanted to take down out of self conscious embarrassment. everything stays up, it seems like i’m accidentally doing what i was meant to be doing, right here, right now. it carries more depth and weight than your average social media “like”. i don't really emotionally bleed into my instagram like i do into this blog… it’s just more meaningful on an emotional and intellectual level.
i can't thank everyone enough. it sounds dramatic but i've never known what i wanted to do with myself in general, but i found a great deal of purpose over the last few months of writing. for people driven to create (i now know i am one of them), expression is transcendent. thank you thank you thank you.
i decided against including the names of backers, it seems more classy, but if you want to know who's keeping me going ill tell you : ev.penk7@gmail.com
before i forget: the knowledge of audience reaction to my work affirms what i'm up to, and therefore: i write more, i write with more conviction. its the internet equivalent of an applause filled theater. it just feels right, in the right way. i'm barely thinking about how i relapsed recently, fucked my life up and have to go back to rehab… the positivity of love and connection is heavier in my brain.
the beauty of the digital age creates an instant symbiotic relationship with those who read the work, it’s a new thing for me but i can tell im hooked, not looking to turn off the dopamine drip. https://www.buymeacoffee.com/Evr0ck17 insert usual fundraising quip at end of usual posts.
THANK YOU! i love you, i think we should all love each other, always.
