Member-only story
Oh my god, I am so awkward, weird, uncomfortable, and socially anxious! I can’t even live. I used to be pretty smooth, man but now I’m such a spaz. I was a social butterfly, working rooms, making friends, and pulling chicks. I swear this came up in my 30s, I used to stand on furniture and rock crowds with wherever party nonsense I had come up with. Maybe that was the alcohol because someone else had to tell me about it, as I was blacked out.
I was invited to a new years eve party a few years ago, and I dreaded it for weeks, and wussed out.
Now I have this deep fear of socializing… I’m fixated on what people think of me, it’s pathelogical. I think everyone wants to be liked but addicts take it to a whole different level, at least that’s what I’ve heard from basically every AA speaker I’ve ever listened to. Here’s the fucked up thing: people always like me. I don’t say that to brag, I’m reassuring myself on paper. I have so many people that I can call friends even though I’ve been such a trashlord at times.
What the fuck? Why do I have zero self confidence? Why can’t I know I was an ill kid, and just go be one? I’m so neurotic.
I told an AI painting program to paint “trash lord” and this is what it generated.🔽
