Composition Book part eight

Back in NYC, February 2022

I’d often find myself wandering around the city in the middle of the night when all the stores were closed. One night I found myself in Harlem at 3am. I started asking the crack dealers and crack smokers where I could sell my food stamps for crack money. I was the only white boy for at least 20 blocks, looking for some rocks.

One young crack addict brought me to a bodega on 117th street that did the highly illegal transaction, 50¢ on the dollar. Suddenly I had five 20$. I didn’t know if my harlem crack Sherpa would just run my pockets, there would’ve been nothing I could do about it.

I didn’t get robbed and I bought 8 dimes of crack, abd got the kid high in the stairway of a section 8 housing project stairwell. All the drugs had made this nice young fella very paranoid, he thought every car we had seen was “the law". The whole situation was very tense: the crack multiplied by the possibility of robbery, again multiplied by trespassing In the projects at 4 in the morning.

His whole trip was bugging me out so I ran off to the six train down town. I smoked the last vial of crack on a bench in central park, awaiting the opening of the dust off stores.

It’s a good thing I had the inhalants to distract me from running out of crack and money. Crack come down is absolutely brutal, that’s why people steal things, sell their belongings, rob 7/11s, and sell their children for more white rock. The itch can never be scratched, but you still try, that is why crack is one of the worst drugs I’ve ever encountered.

Inhalants and crack are similar in that they inherently demand that you get another hit. Empty your fucking wallet into a crack stem, commit brain cell genocide with another can of endust…That’s just how it goes.

When you are inside the compulsion you can’t see out. It’s like a terrorist has highjacked your brain and controls every move you make. Lucky me I huff duster and smoke crack cocaine…. They master my destiny.

I never slept or ate and lost 15 pounds in a month, I even developed anemia.

To be continued….

Hey, I’m clean today and really poor, I crave chocolate and cigarettes!



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