I remember the little conversations in my head about what combinations of substances would make me feel content. That’s all I wanted was a general feeling of content ok-ness, not joy, rapture or elation…just contentment
Was it ketamine and MDMA? Oxycodone and cocaine? Valium and beer? Heroin? I tried so many mixes looking for my sweet spot.
I remember huffing balloons of nitrous oxide in my parents basement. It was 2005 and my best friend was getting these big 30 pound tanks filled somewhere, somehow. we would fill these big balloons with the laughing gas and inhale it.
I recall the thought inside of the n20 rush “you are here this is the sweet spot".
Unfortunately inhalant intoxication lasts less than 3 minutes before you’ve gotta huff more, that’s why nitrous is called hippie crack. Trust me, I’ve gone broke buying 5$ balloons outside of phish concerts. It’s a fucking trap! Chasing the sweet spot is a bottomless pit.
It’s difficult to get sufficient quantities of nitrous in most states, a license is required, I think that’s how I got into huffing duster. The effect is a total blackout from reality, which is what I look for in drugs. Reality is such a bummer, man!
I’ve spent half my life seeking sweet oblivion. That’s why I end up homeless, bleeding from a head wound.
To be continued…
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