Composition book part seven

I have felt the general Ok-ness outside of drugs, it’s so much better and more meaningful.

One day in 2015 I was driving around in the rocky mountains outside of Boulder, CO. I was with my oldest friend and we were listening to a live My Morning Jacket recording. I felt content.

I would feel content just binge watching something with whichever young lady I was keeping company with at the time. Ok-ness, togetherness, relaxation.

I’d like to be able to generate acceptance and contentment from within…I’m not sure I’ve ever been able to do that. I always require drugs, women, video games, Instagram or Reddit.

My natural state is that of restlessness and discontent, I am not unique in this, as I’ve heard it described so many times by other addicts. I crawl out of my skin by default.

I’m told meditation can get you there but meditating is the one of the hardest things I’ve ever tried to do. Fuck, mind, quiet the hell down!

To be continued…

Coca cola not cocaine

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