Oh, boy, buddy, boss. The clocks changed, and it’s hitting me pretty hard. It isn’t that things are bad, there are miraculously amazing things all around me, it’s just that I cant always stay tuned into it all as much as i’d like to. It’s also that I can spend a lot of time on all of the things that are about as far from miraculously amazing as is possible…. there is an election tomorrow, and either way it goes, there’s still likely to be an ongoing genocide in the middle east . I’ve been called out as a “single issue” voter, to which i’ll say A) i wont be voting (I just cant do it) , and B) committing Genocide is an issue that is quite capable of drowning out my perception of a lot of other issues, which is why I might be perceived as “single issue”. My “single issue” in not “foreign policy”, either, it’s human policy.
Ok:
I would like to say that I experienced my first Diwali street festival here in Little Guyana on Saturday, and I’m at a loss for words when it comes to the beauty of what I was in the center of. I wandered around the festivities for about 3 hours, just amazed… I’m still amazed, I don’t anticipate that I’ll stop hanging around Hinduism any time soon. Describing things is what I do, and I cant even formulate an adequate description of the “oneness” that I felt with the community that surrounds me. They have a “oneness” with something bigger than them, and I feel it through them.
I could never have anticipated or planned the trajectory that placed me where I find myself now, putting in all the effort that I can muster to be connected to a power bigger than me. Sometimes (like right now) I cant muster as much as other times, but i’m trying not to feel down on myself for my (self) perceived shortcomings.
Try to even summarize it: After years of drugs, blood and guts on the street, Drug addict from Massachusetts lands in beautiful house in Queens, NY down the street from a Hindu temple at the exact moment when he is willing and able to go there (physically and editorially speaking).
I’ve been a to a lot of places (meetings) where people who are self-described addicts and alcoholics talk about the sense that they never felt they belong. I can actually identify with that just never feeling comfortable in my own skin and never feeling like enough.
I’m not saying that I can feel comfortable in my skin or enough all of the time, but I do visit that state more often… I’m trying to spend more time there.
It’s strange that I’ve been feeling like I belong where I am, and it’s even stranger that It’s New York city, of all places. It’s very rare that i’m not fully enchanted by the city and it’s people, not just here in Queens, either.
Last Wednesday I went on the long A train to F train ride to the Lower East Side of Manhattan. I had an appointment with the person in charge of the volunteering at Educational Alliance Center For Recovery And Wellness, the residential treatment program where I spent 15 months before moving into my house (supportive housing) in Queens. Last Saturday, I was on my way to the big Halloween Dog parade in Tompkins Square Park when I walked by EA, and It occurred to me that I could probably find a way to help out there. a few things happened about 3 months ago, and I haven’t really written in depth about it yet (I will eventually), I suspect it’s a spiritual experience, and I’ve been trying to be as helpful to other human beings as I can. I’m tired of only thinking of myself. When I got home, I looked into it and eventually got in contact with someone, whom I met with yesterday. Her name is Nishi, and she had a table set up on fourth avenue when I arrived. I sat with her and learned that while she may be Pakistani, her zero bullshit way of interacting with the world is 100% NYC. We decided that every Wednesday at 3 o’clock I’d be there to help with their food program that hands out free food to people in need. I’m very much looking forward to this.
Going to this place on 4th and Ave. D was a powerfully emotional experience, I was moved to tears. My Mother always called me the “Mayor” of our hometown, because I would see people I knew every time we would go out anywhere, with all of the handshaking and laughter that goes with that. It’s a good feeling, beyond the ego tripping of popularity and approval thing, it’s community. Man, I cant even tell you how many hugs and warm greeting’s I enjoyed in the lower east side that day… and I felt like the mayor again. This is crazy to me, because of how much time I spent in isolation on the street, or even somewhat recently in my room here in Queens. I left the meeting and took the 14D bus to Union Square, just floating, and I realized that I was standing in one of the places where some of the roughest, and most alone nights of my life had gone down…
Seriously, you cant make this stuff up…
One thing I don’t really have is money, and that’s ok, but I’m not against it, if you want to help: https://ko-fi.com/evr0ck17
if you would like to further connect with what i’m connected to:
