I showed up at New York Presbyterian, Cornell (68th and York) very very high on cheap street heroin (see: fentanyl). I was maybe a half bag from turning blue again, like the day before. I was lucky to be safe.
The doctors at the ER must’ve just been trying to help, and prematurely gave me the medically assisted treatment drug: subutex (bad fuckin move). It rapidly sent me into an absolutely brutal physical opiate withdrawal, power dope sick. Man, I’m not sure if I have ever felt worse in my life. It felt like someone was trying to pull me apart at the joints, my muscles hurt, my bones hurt, I was mega anxious and freezing cold sweaty. Not being a seasoned heroin user, I was not accustomed to dope sickness…just brutal.
When I got to the psych ward (because that’s where you go when you’ve spent a month trying to fatally overdose on heroin) I was prescribed a bunch of subutex’s first cousin: suboxone (plus a whole shitload of benzodiazepines). I was fucked up as all hell.
Suboxone may be a miracle harm reduction option for long time opiate users, I am told it blocks cravings, and also blocks the brain’s opiate receptors (so you can’t even get high). I am not a long time opiate user, I had just been trying to find a gentle way to check out for maybe 3 weeks, as I am too much of a pussy to jump in front of a subway train.
Once I was dubbed mentally stable I went to the substance abuse unit I am In now, the 8mg suboxone prescription came with me (the benzos did not). I was ok, except I was completely unable to poop, and I power barfed occasionally. Suboxone tastes like a gross chemy orange pez, and you’ve got to dissolve it under your tongue.
“It’s like trying to shit out a pine cone” — Heady Mike Longhair
With side effects like that, of course I didn’t want to be on it anymore. Strangely, every doctor I encountered was quite adamant and pushy about me staying on it, I found it rather suspect, but perhaps I’m paranoid. I had to take 3 stomach drugs just to be on suboxone, it’s a lot of pills a lot of times a day.
I had to push back at the pushy doctors, and taper off of that shit, I felt horrible all the time.I went from 8mg to 4mg one day, 4 mg to 2mg the next, and finally to zero. The first day without it was fine, but day 2 I got sick again. Of course I got sick again, suboxone is an opiate. All the pains, sweating and a stomach ache featuring lava in the bathroom, but at least something was going on gastrointestinally (am I right?). I usually sleep like a baby but I couldn’t even do that.
I needed emergency one time downers at around midnight just to get a few winks.
Today is day 3 and I’m sweating like a whore In church, and it feels like someone put in a plus 50% gravity game genie code.
I used to buy suboxone for 5 dollars on mass ave in Boston, not having a habit, I got super high like I had blown a 30mg Percocet, so I know that stuff is a powerful opiate.
“All my friends are junkies”- Rolling Stones, monkey man
It’s true, most of my closest peeps are recovering junkies and none of them recommended suboxone maintenance.. and I know they tried it, because the motherfuckers shot dope, and likely tried everything… I know I would.
Suboxone withdrawal is harsher than actually kicking heroin, making for lifetime pharma consumers…but, hey, I might just be paranoid.
The bad orange pez might be for you but that shit IS NOT for me. I’m glad to be off of it, and it feels like I got my personality back.
