you’re going to have to bear with me, i’m quite “extra” today. Just too much energy and too many thoughts…might be called mania by experts and my friend Erin, who told me that’s probably what it is. I don’t know, I like to call it the human condition. either way, I've got to ride this bitch (my mind) wherever it goes, and try not to do anything stupid. Have no fear though, i’m going to be locked in my room making music and these little blog posts.
this one is either going to be a 2 minute read and then I bounce, or a big boy. I am listening to a 29 minute long Phish jam out of the Talking Heads “cross-eyed an painless” from the very interesting and explorative tour that was summer 2003, so perhaps I'll just keep writing as long as its rocking. hopefully my face doesn't melt off.
I’m glad i’m crazy, now. I’ve grown into this thing (myself), now it fits like a glove. If I wasn't myself, with this brain and it’s “mental illness”, I could not do the things I do. You have to be crazy to do creative things that put you out there in front of an audience. I don’t care if it’s 3 people or 60,000. Who is going to sing rolling stones songs, and put them on the internet? that’s crazy, bro. you mean to tell me, I wrote poems, and i’m going to sing them over music that I made myself, and put it on the internet? Risking major embarrassment…ultimate cringe. never mind how I open myeself up to the world on this blog, Christ man, you'd have to be mental to tell all of your life story with all of the drugs, all of the pain to the world.
I am mental, and fuck it, i’m glad.
you can tell i’m in extra mode, when my Instagram stories are as long as the 1997 James Cameron movie “titanic”. you might have heard of it, I dunno, it’s kind of obscure. If my instagram stories ever come out on VHS home video, we’re going to need 2 tapes. I love the instagram story as a means for expressing myself, it’s like making little films every day, plus I have the best taste in music. Ask my friends who introduced them to their favorite jams, they'll tell you it was me. sorry, I need to take a little credit for something.
and then my phone pulled me away from this for a good hour.
and then it was another hour or so
for me, there’s no avoiding the humanitarian disaster in Gaza. I turned on my reality setting in the options (political content). I use instagram more than anyone you know. for all the negative consequences of social media, somehow we get to the actual narrative of the situation. I don’t know why the government allows it, i’m sure theyll censor it eventually. they banned tik tok for exposing truth.
I connect the banning of tik tok to the burning of books, as in Ray Bradbury’s book about a facist government that outlaws books because they are too dangerous.
I haven’t read that book since Mr. Walker’s 10th grade English class, so I asked my assistant Gemini to catch me up.
“Society prioritizes mindless entertainment and instant gratification over intellectual pursuits.”
Christ, we are so close to losing it…we are teetering on the line, does no one see?
and then I fell into a deep deep sleep for 4 hours. I don't know how or why.
all the while…my Samsung fast charger was broken (the one that charges both my phone and the laptop that I blog on). do I have another one? no. do I have the money to replace it? also no. luckily my Dad was able to figure out how to PayPal me the 25 dollars to replace it, and we’re still alive (digitally).
I have to stop here, I typed all of this on Sunday, and I was going to continue it today (Monday), but I have no energy, my “extra” mode ran out. I have so much to worry about, and no energy to handle any of it. I have my film screening on Wed. night and no money to get there, i’m running out of food (with no stamps for another 8 days), and my 25$ phone bill is due in 9 days. Plus, I have no home internet service (I need to figure that out), and my laundry is piling up something fierce. I have no idea what i’m going to do about all of this, but I’m sure i’ll figure it out somehow… I can’t today I feel like a corpse.
If you could help, please: https://ko-fi.com/evr0ck17
