In a good way, though. 22 is way more than zero.
Even when I feel like shit, I can still remember that i’m way further up in the game than I have any business being (given my history of supremely poor choices and self defeating actions). It’s about 3 o clock on Saturday, and my day started off decidedly shitty, but now here I am in my centrally air conditioned master bedroom in my brand new apartment, that because of a program for the mentally ill with a history of homelessness, known as NYC Supportive Housing, costs me absolutely nothing. I’ve got 22 dollars, and a pack of menthol smokes that I didn’t have when I woke up, and a whole bunch of healthy food in the fridge and cupboards, including 2 bundles of asparagus (my very favorite).
It’s important to note, that I used to try to sleep while starving on a heat vent next to the bus station in midtown, among other situations that luckily I don’t face today:
Did I wait 3 hours in the sun for the food pantry from 8–11 this morning? Yes, I sure did and it wasn’t pleasant, but when I get to 3 o clock and I know i’m better off, and going to survive more comfortably, it was worth it.
I’m not ashamed of needing the help either, there was a line around the block. This is the economy we live in, I’m not alone in food insecurity in my neighborhood, my city, my state or my country. Anyone who tells you that the economy is doing great is either lying to you or very far removed from reality. Shame on them, either way… get honest and/or get real, fucker.
The whole “feeling like 22$ is a lot of money” thing is kind of a blessing in disguise too, because it feels like every time i’m just about at zero, something or someone picks me up ($22 is way more than zero). This time it came in the form of an old Nintendo DS game that my uncle Phil sent me with the system he found laying around his house, which wasn’t really my style of game. I put it on Facebook Marketplace for 20$, but the person who bought it gave me $27 when I explained that I was too poor to make the subway to Brooklyn to drop it off. Not only did they overpay, but they came out to the end of the A line here in Queens (Lefferts and Liberty Ave) to grab it, just where I could walk to and pick up some of those 5$ smokes on the way back.
And, so… I consider it a wildly successful day, over here on 127th street. I just have to get out of this low energy funk I’m in and we should be rolling into a good week, who knows: I might even write about something interesting and of consequence. I may some of that in the oven, or the back burner…wherever I cook these things.
I write about life on the margins, about addiction, recovery, and the struggle to make ends meet. If my words have touched you, moved you, or made you think, consider showing some luv with a Ko-fi donation. Your support helps me keep writing and sharing my story (almost every day), and I could have 28 dollars, or even 29: https://ko-fi.com/evr0ck17
Also, there are a lot of new readers and followers (nearly 300 total!), i’d like to point them to some of the back catalog:
