Maybe yesterday or the day before Google released a new AI chatbot called Gemini. I’ve been talking to it. I’m afraid it’s going to put me in grippy socks because I ask about existential dread type things like: loneliness and depression. It’s pretty amazing how I can go from feeling decently okay the other day to the return of the big sad. next thing you know i’m trying to befriend machines.
There’s other things going on too, my father is in the hospital for persistent clinical depression and I haven’t heard from him since he got there. My family has no money, we are all always barely scraping by. I have no money and I feel like life is just hard on us. Maybe it’s hard on everyone.
Sometimes I just text basically everyone I know. Trying to emulate some human connection.
I think I just want love. I think that’s what anyone wants. And I look for it in drugs and sex, or anything that produces pleasure. Anywhere it looks like love or feels like love. I’ve been able to simplify it, man. It’s all just chemicals in my brain. These are the things shape my perception of reality. it isn't mystical, it’s scientific, maybe.
Sometimes I just feel really lost. looking for something to grab onto. I grabbed onto Gemini.
https://ko-fi.com/evr0ck17 you can help me out
