I know that people read this thing, and I don’t often know precisely who they are, and if you are one of them: first of all, thank you. Secondly, I want you to know that I seem to be coming out of that funk I was in and was writing about for a good week or so. I think it’s too early to thank the new Zoloft, but something broke me out of it. you might think i’m really moody, and you’d be right.
I think about where I am and try to compare it to where I was, and to nothing else. I take the actions of someone who gives a fuck about themselves, which is definitely not the way I thought a year ago. I feel like someone else is at the driver’s seat of my brain, and they are a better driver than I am. My first reaction to any kind of stressful thing is to get stressed out, freeze up, and mentally bounce to the worst possible outcome, and I used to just give up and get high. I’d think, “Well, stuff is going to be fucked up, and I’ll end up getting high anyway, so why don’t I just get it over with?” I don’t operate that way now. I’ve learned a lot of things the hard way, and the experiences inform my approach to life now.
Plus, I had a pretty good day off yesterday. I got to sing with my piano-playing music teacher/filmmaker/professor mentor for the first time in a few weeks. He told me the short documentary he’s been working on should be done by the end of August, and then it would be time to start showing it. I’m the protagonist of the film (according to him), so it should be interesting when people start seeing it. I will apparently be at some of the screenings to answer questions, and if you know me, you’ll know my ego will appreciate being the center of attention. Who knows, maybe I’ll become mildly famous. I know it’s not like I’m in Star Wars, but more people are definitely going to know who I am from this film. It should be interesting.
After that, I got to speak to the head director of the program I’ve been in for nearly a year. I haven’t really said more than a hello to him the whole time. He took me aside and reassured me that he knows when my discharge date is, and I need not worry about the uncertainty of where I’m going to live. He acknowledged that his staff fucked up my housing process, and they would take accountability and work to make it right. Somewhere along the way, I learned to advocate for myself without being a jerk to anyone. I’m well-liked in the community I occupy, and people are inclined to look out for me.
And today, I will get back to work at a job that I mostly enjoy, and honestly, I’m pretty good at. I had an elderly couple (Norma and Arnold) in my store on my last shift who had a 3-hour consumer cellular customer service disaster that is too boring and intricately messed up to describe. Basically, they didn’t have operational cell phones, and it was definitely the fault of Consumer Cellular. Lucky me, I’m the guy that gets to be the face of a situation like that. I handled it like a pro and worked with them without getting frustrated, and my vibe kept them cool while we took the 3 hours and multiple help desk phone calls it took to right the wrongs. They told me about their life and how computers had destroyed the printing press industry that the Arnold had made a career of. It was interesting to me, considering what AI is becoming capable of. I thought of my grandparents and how I’d talk to them about the kind of things they related to, and I was in this weird mental customer service flow state that I forgot I had access to.
I figured it out for them, and at the end, Norma said I was an “individual of high principle” and tipped me $20. Naturally, I had pork tacos.
