Oh man, today is a 2 pot day. I’m referring to my morning coffee intake. Most days are 1 pot days, but today is decidedly a 2 pot day. While I drink from pot 2 I thought I’d try to write something, because that’s what I try to do every day, to keep from gathering rust. There’s also a benefit to putting things in front of me, so that I can grasp them and hopefully feel a little better. It’s a rough patch right now, and maybe I can at least make it feel smoother if I try to adjust the way I look at things.
I know a good number of people who are wiser than I am when it comes to having a healthy way of coping with life’s challenges. I think they would all tell me that when things are really tough, it’s a good time to look at things to be grateful for to offset the misery that I might be feeling. I might even walk away less miserable.
I’m not going to be able to get at everything, there’s too much.
This is a good time to update everyone who was reading up on the seriously troublesome roommate who was making my life difficult and stressful. Yesterday, someone from my housing agency came by, and informed me that this individual is in a psychiatric hospital and upon release will be moved somewhere else. His return was sitting in the back of my mind, and I got some closure. I really appreciated hearing that. I’m grateful I was able to respond to the situation in the way that I did, because 2 years ago a similar situation resulted in my return to living on the streets, huffing air duster and requiring 3rd degree burn surgery (from the aforementioned duster abuse). Here I am, still in my (freshly cleaned) apartment, doing something I love to do and find to be fulfilling (writing my little blog posts).
Which brings me to something I have, but have not always been able to say was true: a place to live. I couldn't always say that. I spent freezing cold January nights curled up on a heat vent, next to the bus terminal in midtown Manhattan wishing I had somewhere (anywhere) to go. I don’t think I even knew it was possible to find myself in a position like the one I am in now. It makes me feel fortunate to live in a city that has something like supportive housing for crazy folks like me, who struggle to keep a roof over their head without assistance. There isn’t any shame in my game to admit that I need help with things to get by, hopefully someone else read this and feel more OK with themselves for reaching out for help that they may need.
While I try to reconfigure my perspective by blogging about what’s going well, and try not to look at what’s not, I have the luxury that i’d often really miss when I didn’t have a single part of myself together. I’m listening to any music I want on a Spotify account provided by my friend Lizzy. It’s beyond beneficial to my mental health to just be able to get into my headphones and rock out any time I feel inclined to. Thinking of this, i’m reminded of how many dear friends, like Lizzy that I can just reach out to, or send music back and forth with. It’s not common to have the kind of lifelong friendships that I have, another thing to be grateful for.
I think i’ll include the original playlist I made to accompany the contents of this blog 400 posts ago:
Since I’ve been without any money for a couple days now, I've been looking at ways to get things for free through Facebook groups and Craigslist. I see people who have it way worse than me trying to scare up something to eat. Now, I may be running out of oatmeal and ramen, but at least i’m not starving, with children who are also starving and in some cases in a homeless shelter. Right?
On my sister’s birthday (April 2nd, which is today), I got to thinking about how fortunate I am to have family that’s still with me, and I can still reach out to for everything from fart jokes to moral support. I remember when I was told that i’d have another sibling, and I was not that happy. I do believe I told my parents that they couldn’t afford another child, even if I was right it’s a gift to have my sister and I hope she has a good day with my mother and their dog and cats in Boston.
i’ll include something I wrote 2 years ago about the effect my sister’s birth had on me :
https://evr0ck17.medium.com/there-is-a-photograph-maddy-206a0c5aacc5
See: I set out to look at the bright side of things, and realized I cant even get all of it in one reasonably sized post. I would be typing all day if I wanted to get at all of it, and I have a meeting in about 30 minutes with the case-worker who is part of a literal team that assists me in keeping my shit together. A team that (you guessed it) i’m grateful for.
I could get all fucked up about things like having less than a dollar to my name, or I could think about where I've been (even less than 2 months ago, let alone 2 years ago), and compare it to the much better place I am today. I feel a little better now, I hope this was helpful to the reader, at least one of them.
I cant omit my little fundraising portion that I put at the bottom of these articles, trust me, if anyone contributes i’ll be tearing Family Dollar up, and re-upping my oatmeal and ramen supply (I've got coupons):
For those who prefer to directly support my creative endeavors but aren’t comfortable with Ko-fi, I’ve created an Amazon wishlist! This way, you can help me get the tools I need to keep creating.
https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/38UI78GFY4ROR?ref_=wl_share
