o Today I’m grateful for
There is a young woman named Mass Ave Angel Cait, or just Cait (if you’re into the whole brevity thing). She is some kind of professional social worker or something in that vein (I’m not sure of her exact title) at Boston Medical Center in the belly of the beast on Boston’s methadone mile.
I have a story about methadone mile here if you aren’t familiar:
I know Cait from my formative years in Plymouth, MA and she’s been cool and supportive for the past few years after we reconnected by fate a couple years ago when her boyfriend’s band was opening for the band I’d see all the time in Asbury Park, NJ, She told me that i’m responsible for her first psychedelic trip in high school but I don’t remember that.
Anyway, she passed on a bunch of writing prompts from her work in case I get stuck, and this one seems like a good place to start my day (Sunday, September 25). Maybe if I start the day with gratitude I’ll keep myself from having a shitty attitude.
Today I’m grateful for:
I’m grateful that I made it into addiction treatment again to give myself another chance. I had been trying and trying with no avail for a few really rough months. I’m grateful that I was able to get focused and find further treatment after this. I’m grateful that they accepted me.
Here’s my story about how hard it is to get help:
I’m so grateful that the rehab I’m in has iPads for all of the clients to zoom or FaceTime their loved ones. I don’t do any of that, what i do is listen to new (to me) music that I’ve been seeking out. I found these synthwave/ retrowave mixes on YouTube by user SoulSearchAndDestroy that are perfect instrumental tracks for writing.
The other benefit of the iPad is that I can write into google docs, and post to evrock17.medium.com. I’m grateful that my brain still works despite all the ways that I badly mistreated it. I can still write, and I’m grateful for that. I got really focused on all the things I could do to improve the blog, the chief thing being: actually reading the work of others. I’m grateful for all my readers, commenters, clappers and critics.
When I leave here to go to my next program there will be some time without being able to post, as I don’t have a phone or anything to do it from… back to the composition books while I try to figure out how to get connected. Wish me luck. I’m grateful I have the time here to get back into the practice of writing after 3 months away from it.
I’m grateful I pushed through the few days of dope sickness, getting off of suboxone, that was fucking me up in more ways than one. I am taking naltrexone to fight cravings for drugs and alcohol and I will be getting a monthly injection to stay on it. It’s the benefits of suboxone, without the bad parts of being on an opiate.
I’m grateful for the little comforts of being in a program, off of the shit, and off of the street: showers, a bed to sleep in, unlimited snacks and coffee. It’s getting cold out and that’s no bueno when you live on the street.
I am grateful to be 39 days sober, when I couldn’t even get one day for a whole. I’m grateful to be alive after doing all I could not to be and overdosing on heroin multiple times.
I started my day grateful, let’s see if it helps with the rest of it. I’m fighting like hell to have a decent, positive outlook, here.
