I’ve got to keep going on the idea of seeking catharsis through music.
I slept very well, finally. and I've done my morning things that I do. First I drink coffee, because I absolutely must (this cannot wait), then I open my insight timer app and listen to a 1–3 minute guided meditation. I don’t know if i’m meditating, but i’m listening.
the new thing that I do next is read the emails that my sponsor sends out every day. They come from AA literature, I think. This guy (the sponsor) , he’s like 4 decades sober, with this stillness about him, a smiling kindness and peace. He’s cool, man. I’m so glad I know this cat.
Anyway, i’m not this guy on Oprah telling people how to be ok with this fucking hellscape of a world…honestly i’m not that good at being ok, myself.
ok!?
My dear friend, who is and has always been so supportive of everything I do, especially this blog, lost her husband, some days ago and I knew that Wednesday was the services. I was shambling my raggedy ass down the Bowery to my psychiatrist appointment, all crying for a reason that I could not discern (beyond textbook bipolar).
a song came on my headphones:
It’s not a song I've never heard before. it got me right when it came out, in 2023. I was on the 6 train.
I sent it to my friend, with the line “my sister hold on tight” (from the song).
She said she was sobbing, I said I was too. Actually, i’m leaking right now. Through the music, we were in a space together.
This is the stuff, music is the stuff…
You may have read what I've written here for the past few years, you might even know me in the analog (real life) world. you know I could yap on, but it’s better when I don’t even have to, it’s better when music does it.
oh yeah, I saw J. Mascis last week…man, I cant even.
I’m not really in to writing lately but I am into making sounds.
