Oh yes, I feel quite amazing. I’m laughing from my gut all the time, and making others laugh with me. I’m being myself, and people can get with it. I can socialize with some level of comfort (until about 6:05 pm, then I have to hide). I have a recalled iPhone 6s social battery.
I have a fucked up relationship with positive feelings. I ask myself if I’m manic, and I also wonder what I’m going to do to fuck myself up. So, I’m apprehensive. I can honestly say that I haven’t felt this good in a long time. I wish I could just take it at face value. Of course I feel good, I’m sober in the best place I could possibly be in, given how dangerous my behavior was during most of the past 5 years.
I’m pretty close to 30 days into the program i’m at, and I’ll be able to go out around the city on my own soon, but I don’t even want to because I feel safer where I am. When I went to midtown (with an escort) for a haircut I felt all kinds of uncomfortable. I’m afraid of myself, with a lot of evidence to justify it. I have an amazing opportunity to get right and I don’t want to do something stupid to fuck it up.
