I have been be spinning the past 2 weeks or so, making sure everyone can see and has to listen in on my inflated ego and delusions of grandeur.
I have bi polar disorder, and the manic states are more rare then the quieter depressive states. I’ve only felt this way twice in my life, the last time in 2010.
Honestly, as weird as it sounds I’ll take depression over mania. Mania is so fucking embarrassing when you come out of it. I’m flabbergasted with Shame, and I’m deeply apologetic for the wreckage.
I’m only ashamed because of an old paradigm surrounding mental illness and “crazy people” that shouldn’t exist anymore. My brother and I know it’s just an illness. That’s what it is : a medical condition, that I am having symptoms of. I
The point of this post is to share a gem from my brother Dylan:
No one goes to target and decides to pick up a chronic illness one day for kicks, the illness chooses us. That doesn’t mean we aren’t culpable for our actions either. I didn’t choose this. It is my responsibility, however to be proactive in treating it.
I want to be more honest than afraid and shameful. I want to put a searchlight on things we all avoid talking about. I will discuss any given elephant in any given room. Not for some altruistic helping others type shit (I’m selfish), I’m trying to figure out how to disperse the sting of Shame from the knife wounds to my fragile ego. Most of the Shame is only up there between my ears, but it feels like I’m the laughing stock of the country.
It’s probably untrue. Fuck!
Support my mental fuckary
You can tell me i got all wrong
