Part One: https://medium.com/@evr0ck17/i-lost-track-764f87be2ec4
It is possible for me to successfully maintain a substance habit, but only for a short time. Eventually, there will start to be little tears in my mental fabric, until the whole thing comes undone.
That’s what happened the other day. I could see the holes starting to form. Usually, I would just let the whole thing unravel. But this time, I was afraid. I scared the shit out of myself and did what I had to do to stop it.
I told anyone who would listen that I was falling apart. I grabbed onto anything I could, before I got swept away in the riptide of damaging behavioral loops. I admitted that I had no idea what to do, and that I needed help.
I understand now that recovery is not linear. This is a new concept for me. There will be ups and downs, and that’s okay. I just need to keep moving forward.
At this moment I am safe. I am protected by those who the universe sees fit to put in front of my trajectory.
