I am in the midst of an untreated bipolar depressive episode…
Today, I tried to quit my job. Waking up feeling as bad as I have for the last few days, I knew I couldn’t endure another two-hour commute in this heat. Last time I worked, it took over two hours to get there, and I was still late.
Upon arriving at work that day, I learned I was going to be the only one there, with little to no training, just thrown into the chaos. It wasn’t management’s fault; their employee decided not to show up. It was a really rough day in retail, and I was exhausted. The journey back home took a little less time, but it still felt long.
So, this morning, I texted the district manager to thank him for the opportunity but explained that the four hours of daily travel wouldn’t work for me. I quit my job. I was pretty sure I was having a nervous breakdown. The district manager texted me back, suggesting that we discuss it.
A few hours later, he called and offered me a position at a store closer to me. I shared with him the toll an unhealthy work-life balance had taken on me in the past, and he completely understood. It was amazing; we were on the same page. He commended me for my communication abilities and professionalism, assuring me that he could already tell I’d be an asset to the company. The whole thing felt like someone else was in the driver’s seat of my brain, controlling my actions, because given my mental state, I don’t think I could navigate such a situation. i want to pat myself on the back for doing the right things that prioritize my mental heath.
Additionally, I made sure to schedule a psychiatry appointment for tomorrow; I couldn’t wait any longer. I was thinking about ending my life a few times, not that I would, but my thoughts have been really dark. I can’t even describe how terrible I felt this morning.
Sometimes, it feels like I’m protected by something I can’t understand, and today was one of those times.
