i still keep going through the anxiety and depression, really badly. but, only. in the morning because now at six PM i feel ok. i did lay in bed a lot today but at least i went out and took care of my laundry, like i was planning to do. i don’t know why i have to keep score of how productive i am every day , that’s kind of fucked up. i wish i could just be.
tomorrow, i’m going back to the lower east side to get some free food and do a group therapy thing about relapse prevention. couldn’t hurt. it’s nice to have some place to go, but it’s also very nice to have somewhere to stay in and come back to.
if i keep it simple and appreciate the simple things i can keep my head in a better way. the roof over my head, the food in my stomach, the fact that i don’t have to maintain a drug habit.
i ran out of adderall again, really quickly. because, of course i did. so i’m kicking that, and i’m not going to get another refill. i want to be done with that garbage. i know the amphetamine withdrawl gets better after about 7 days and i think i’m on day 5, so i should slide back into my human personality fairly soon. i know this chemical situation contributes to how shitty i feel sometimes, but i forget that it’s only temporary until i come out of the little funk and look at it. i realize it was completely in my head, and didn’t actually mean much.
i’m writing it down so that hopefully i can remind myself that i create all of my own crisis in my head, the next time i make one, probably tomorrow.
you can buy me an ice cream! https://ko-fi.com/evr0ck17
