Lo-Fi Quarantine In Alphabet City
I am in quarantine at the long term program in alphabet city (LES, NYC) that I arrived at yesterday. This place was my first choice, and I had to wait a few extra weeks in rehab to get here, it was worth it. I am drinking too much instant coffee, listening to chill hop, and whoring out my blog on every conceivable platform I can.
I'm such a millennial, I miss having a cellphone every time I fuck up and lose one. The last one was actually taken from me under threat of violence in East Flatbush, Brooklyn at 4 am in May. It's really my fault for being in East Flatbush at 4am, getting all cracked out. I don't plan on ever returning to my old hood, too much trauma. I always miss Spotify and the connection to all of my people. I don't have anyone in NYC… well actually I do.
This woman from the upper east side that I met in rehab said she was inspired by my story when I told it to everyone there. She actually got me a bunch of clothes and a new phone. I had nothing but the clothes on my back. I have a long and storied history of angels saving my sorry ass, and Ms. Eileen is one of them for sure.
So I can stay with my goal of writing every day, I didn’t even miss one. I know how self involved I look with this blog and trying to get it in front of as many people as I can. I believe in the practice of expression, like, all the way. When I was running the streets doing all the bad drugs you shouldn’t do I missed it. My downtime in rehab was spent completely focused on it, making logos, reading tips on blogging and cultivating a bigger following. I have enough readers to qualify to get paid by medium but I haven’t figured it out yet. I don’t really care about that.
When I kept getting narcan out of my heroin overdoses in August I was so pissed. I had totally given up on myself. Once I got stable again and focused on getting here, And got off of suboxone maintenance the big sad ceiling cracked open. Now look at me I have socks, jeans, underwear, chill hop Playlists, instant coffee and a blank Google doc to think into. It's good.
I used to be really embarrassed about continually either fucking up, or being in rehab. Most people I know from my time in AA stayed sober or died, and I couldn't do either correctly. Now, I'm just happy that I care enough to try again… while being very afraid of myself. I have felt all this nice warm gooey shit about being in early recovery before, only to drop out of life again. I'm safe today, a rainy day in the lower east side.
I want to link this chillhop Playlist. James from Kill Screen Games in Asbury Park, NJ got me hip to lo-fi beats to study and relax to a few years ago, and it's a whole movement. I didn't make this Playlist, so I can't take credit for that. Throw it on, have some coffee, it's gonna be good.
