This blog post is going to be unlike the other blog posts for a very obvious reason. I’m actually dictating through speech to text because I have nothing to type on. There’s going to be some run-on sentences, and some missing punctuation because I don’t have chat GPT to edit my work on my computer. And that’s what this post is about my computer is dead.
In February I got this free laptop from New York Urban League for participating in their job readiness training. It changed everything it made more things possible and made writing feel better, definitely better than it feels right now. I had my little projects of installing retro games and messing around with AI but the most important thing I did on that laptop was write. Keyboard was backlit and had a great feel.
The other thing I started using it for was recording my sessions with Mariano and we would cover songs that eventually became the short film I was in. Had a great little editing Suite in it I could make little YouTube videos and Instagram reels out of the footage easily.
This might sound weird or fucked up but I would think about like my life and what progress I have made over the course of the past few months and I always came back to “well at least I have a computer now”. Like at least I got that. I’m 37 I think I got my first computer when I was 10, and they always became like an extension of who I was, I can’t evaluate why right now while I’m dictating this entry to this blog on my phone.,
This morning I couldn’t turn it on and I figured it was one of those things that could be fixed. I did all the troubleshooting and power cycling and I still couldn’t get it to turn on so I went to Union Square to go to Geek Squad at Best Buy. They quickly told me that the motherboard was fried and the computer was not able to be serviced.
You might just be in a position to be like oh well you just get another computer or you know hey it’s just a fucking object this to me is a severe fucking loss. Just based on writing alone I feel like a fucking musician who lost their instrument. Forget about the street fighter and Super Mario, and everything else. I can just barely afford to continually smoke Newports and drink instant coffee. I was looking at other computers and the cheaper ones I found were like $150 to $200 which might as well be a fucking million to me.
Do I like begging for money on fucking social media? No. I just feel like it’s not that extravagant of a goal $250, this morning I felt like it was possible. This afternoon I don’t know.
Over the course of the past year year I found out who I was. I am a fucking artist. Because I can’t stop expressing myself. I’m I’m afraid I can’t really do anything else but that’s a question for another day. Not having a computer is a major loss, a major hit to my quality of life. I am going to share the GoFundMe link because fuck it. If you’ve been waiting for a while, you know what the rhythm of a keyboard does for me I don’t care if you donate 50 cents right, we’re going to make it we’re getting there.
