perhaps, while my laptop is still on my lap from writing an email i will take a stab at one more post for the day, you know, to make up for the slowness of my writing for the past couple of weeks.
this post is a direct sequel to the last one, which i was only writing to occupy my mind when it was trying to convince me i was in mortal danger for absolutely no reason, in the form of a visceral anxiety attack on a crowded NYC bus, and train.
speaking of buses, i just want to mention that the Q6 is uniquely the worst bus line i have ever ridden in my life as both new yorker and bostonian. there are a few reasons why i say this: it stops what feels like every 7 feet or so, there are about 7 stop lights between the nearest subway station (and it never fails to get 7 red lights, and there has never been a single time that it hasn’t been packed completely full of people. you might think you have some true grit and an understanding of anxiety attacks, to which i’d challenge you to try having one on the q6.
by the time i had made it back to the lower east side i wasnt feeling much better, sure it was somewhat settling to be in the neighborhood i had spent my last year and a half in, but i was very much freaking out as if i was having a bad time on some kind of bad drug.
i just wanted to get somewhere safe and talk to somebody about how difficult i am finding the transition to independent living. luckily i made it there, albeit 10 minutes late. i told them i was in a state of unmitigated mental disaster and that i really needed to just speak to a staff member about what i was going through. i was presented with Marion who is something called a peer navigator, a person who is like the name says a recovering addict and peer of the clients. it was also revealed to me that Marion also just moved to Jamaica, Queens.
Marion told me that there is something called a Narcotics Anonymous club house that is only a 15 minute bus ride from my house, they have meetings all day and various social functions for people who aren’t doing drugs and alcohol. Now i have clear cut directions on how to get to this place, when i couldn’t put things together enough to make it to one of these mystery AA meeting, in wherever the fuck, queens. thank god i pushed through the desire to want to hide under the covers in my room when the fear hit me as i was waiting for the q6 on my way. also, there is a sandwich at the bodega right there on avenue d that i’m pretty sure i’d pick as my death row last meal if i ever found myself needing to pick a last meal, so of course i went and got one of those.
look at that, information that could drastically change my quality of life for the better, and all i had to do was freak out on mass transit for an hour.
speaking of the email for which i first had to have this laptop here. you might remember a delightful vocational counselor who i may have a deep affection for, and was there to talk me out of walking out of treatment when things were not going at all well. well, the program owes me 650 dollars for a bit of work i did while i was there. i just had to email her to say “listen Gamze, i cant afford to wait another week on this money, i’m nearly out of groceries and seriously considering stealing from whole foods.” hopefully my situation, and a bit of other flattery i had to throw in will produce results, and we will have much of the stress and pressure of worrying about food lifted.
BUT OF COURSE, this doesn’t mean that the reader shouldn’t consider making a bit of a donation to my coffee site… i don’t know why you wouldn’t: https://ko-fi.com/evr0ck17
