I want to do a little 2022 recap, but not in the lazy “a list of links” type way, so lets see how it goes:
Its 11 am on new years eve 2022 and maybe i’ll think of some things to write about while have a keyboard and coffee energy.
This year on Medium was one of a lot of development and improvement. I think my writing and presentation got better, and i think i cranked out over 100 stories. My follower count went from around 49 to 220, and i gained entry into the medium partner program to earn money from the traffic on my blog. the only problem with that is having to paywall my articles in order to make money from them, and i’m not willing to do that.
2022 was one of the most painful and difficult years of my life but it was also by far my most creatively productive in terms of writing blogs, learning and making music, and making digital art, i love waking up and making shit and there really isnt enough time in the day to get all of my ideas out… i’ve learned to let them marinate and mature. I used to just live blog into this website to get things out as fast as i could, i dont operate like that anymore. A lot of the other things i do have taken my focus off of this blog, which used to be my only outlet.
every year that i use drugs becomes the worst year of my life, thats just how addiction works, it never gets better it only gets exponentially worse. It’s hard to say if 2022 was the worst year of my life, because of where it landed me and how i’m doing now. I’m going to link some of the most important stories of the year, because that’s what you do at the end of the year:
The biggest piece is the story of my winter (2021–2022) that fell out of me into a black-and-white composition book while I was sitting in another 28-day rehab program in February. It ended up being over 120 pages, and I’m glad that I got to type it before I relapsed again. The experience of writing it was quite powerful and felt like some kind of mind faucet had been turned on and I couldn’t turn it off. Sometimes I have a hard time processing some of the trauma that I write about in these stories, and if you read them you’ll understand why.
I spent a lot of winter 2022, and all of the summer on the street hopelessly addicted to drugs, at the end of august i was on a mission to intentionally overdoes on fentanyl laced street heroin, but i could not succeed. i went to two 28 day rehabs, a lot of psych hospitals and two long term rehabs (one in the catskills and one where i am now in the Lower East Side).
I want to share some of the stuff that came out between March and May while I was in a long-term rehab program in the middle of nowhere (Ellenville, NY) During that time, the medium was not allowing posting from their mobile platform, so everything was going on Tumblr, until medium got right again, and then it was reposted here. In Ellenville, I met one of the coolest people I’ve ever known named Chessmaster mike, and I got around to writing about it in November.
whenever i land back in safety from these terrible homeless death spirals, i have a lot to write about and it flows very naturally. being frustrated and relapse ready i took off from ellenville in may, ran around the city trying to kill myself for the whole summer and ended up back in rehab in the middle of august. i was fortunate to have the use of an ipad in the rehab i spent september in so i got a lot of stories out, here are some of the better ones:
I wrote so many things about so many things this past year, but the gritty fucked up addicted street shit seems to be the main attraction of the Ev0ck17 blog, so:
so there’s a healthy dose of that patented Ev drug abuse street type stuff that this blog was born of. if you want to read more positive stuff, go scroll around the past 3 months of my writing.
I’m losing interest in writing this end of year thing (i’m hyperfocused until suddenly i’m not), but i want to end it on a good note: i am not all the way better than i was last year, but i am exponentially better. There are the challenges of a very uneven mood, poverty, trying to get identification, trying to stay focused, remaining grateful, tolerating the people around me and processing deep fucking trauma. I am doing things i’ve wanted to do for a long time, and feeling better than i have felt in a long time. I want my readers to know that things are going in a much better direction, in many ways a better direction than ever… of course i’m in constant fear that it will all fall apart but i think that keeps me in my little square of safe behavior.
I also want to share all of the music that was new to me this year so here’s a playlist:
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1QDKS8vmGvxmp222zjqh8w?si=jF9ywqsdSwS_8WERjMQwzQ
DID YOU KNOW THAT ALL OF THIS CONTENT IS MADE POSSIBLE BY READERS LIKE YOU?
yes, i need your help to stay in coffee and cigarettes so that i can keep doing all the things i do. It’s embarassing to be fundraising again, but i really have no choice, below are a variety of ways that you can support the evr0ck initative:
https://www.paypal.me/evr0ck17
https://www.patreon.com/posts/72757436?utm_campaign=postshare_creator
