Yesterday, I went on a bit of a warpath, trying to get away from social media. I deactivated facebook, took Instagram off the phone, deleted all of my reddit accounts and power washed my computer. I don’t know how long I’ll last, but I’d like to give it a try for a little while.
I’ve been de-cluttering as many aspects of my life as I possibly can. I’ve just been miserable, even the things that I like have been doing nothing for me (writing, for instance). I can’t imagine this is permanent, but for now, that’s where i’m at.
The other day, I went into Manhattan to a walk in psychiatry clinic, I’d like to include the last thing I was trying to write last Friday before I gave up writing again:
when your folks come visit from back home (wherever) and they are talking about how they got off at Penn Station and saw a guy and with one shoe on screaming at himself. You need to tell them that he likely couldn’t find a psychiatrist. He won’t be me, hopefully. But he and I may have made the numerous calls, either unanswered or needlessly complicated by red tape that result nothing resembling psychiatric medication.
At a therapy appointment today, the weekly Zoom appointment, Some things hit hard, nothing new obviously I’m 39 years into this particular set of situations and predicaments. one of the things was that it was agreed upon by both of us on the screen that the starting line in the race of progress towards Behavioral and cognitive adjustments, can only be established by a balanced mood.
It seems like the only way to get a doctor who is allowed to prescribe the chemicals that balance mood disorders is to be in crisis, and go to an emergency room. Now, the NYC psychiatric emergency room is very uniquely traumatizing to me, given my history of…well, you can go read a lot of this blog, so I do my best not to find myself in these environments. I can’t imagine that this way of doing things is either cost effective or efficient, but what do I know?
Anyway, I’m not off of all of the internet things because I’ve disappeared back into my spiral of doom. I did find a psychiatrist, and today I got a new AA sponsor who’s actually into the 12 steps, so I could possibly put my head back together at some point.
I just feel like leveling out before I decide what to do with all of the screens, and the time I spend on them. We’ll see if I can stick to it.
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