Speaking Into Existence (In a Detox waiting room)
Today, in a meeting i was in someone was sharing this Steve Harvey video about manifesting wealth and success, like it’s that fucking easy, and i flashed back to something from last summer, that i had blocked out of my consciousness (for my mind’s own protection).
There is a long standing NYC institution of a detox called ACI, which used to be in a hell hole of a building on 57th street in Manhattan that was probably condemned , but has since moved to a nice new facility in Brooklyn (I don’t remember where exactly). I had been to ACI in once in 2014 in it’s old home, and twice in the summer of 2022 in its new home. The thing i liked about going there is they would totally overdo the comfort medications (Attivan, Methadone) as long as you had benzos and opiates in your system. They would get me so fucked up for free, and i’d get off of the street for a few days, plus they had this classic arcade game room, and free cigarettes.
I would sit in the waiting room for hours waiting to get in, where i’d eat turkey sandwiches and drink juice boxes. There was a flat screen tv mounted to the wall that had this constant loop of about 3 “motivational speaker” YouTube videos. They were all about that whole “speak into existence”, manifestation trip, that you can just manifest wealth and success by “speaking it into existence”. this one video had the guy repeating the term “speak into existence” hundreds of times. There i was in probably the worst physical, mental, and emotional state that i had perhaps ever been in, being repeatedly verbally assaulted by some asshole, telling me i was going to manifest some kind of better life by “speaking it into existence”. That shit killed me, and flashing back to it today was painful.
Fuck that, I don’t remember who that asshole was, but i’d fight him if i ever ran into him. There are a couple things that i have always found hyper-douch-y and the first, (as i have gone on record saying) is the whole life coach thing. i hate anyone that thinks they know so much about existence that they can go and tell someone else how to exist successfully. I’m sorry if you do that, but keep that shit away from me, especially if i’m painfully withdrawing from powerful street drugs. The other thing that i think is rubbish is the whole manifestation of good things into existence concept. it’s such privilaged bullshit. Fuck that book “The Secret”, fuck the law of attraction and fuck Oprah for unleashing all that shit onto the masses. But, hey, i mean what do i know? i’m not exactly a picture of material or societal success, in any sense. I could be very wrong, here.
I just know that in that detox waiting room, while dope sick, and being assaulted by this “speak into existence” shit was like a cruel patronizing joke. Fuck whoever made that happen. The memory makes me pissed off, even now.
2/9/23 Part 2
The Final Time At ACI, Brooklyn :
I must have gotten really, really fucked up on the methadone and attivan they gave me at ACI in June or July of 2022. I must’ve done something crazy in the detox medication (opiate/benzo) blackout, because i remember starting off at the ACI detox, but then waking up in a brooklyn hospital psych emergency room, not knowing where i was or how i got there. Once i convinced them i was safe to leave, i was cast out into the street with nothing but paper hospital scrubs and grippy psych ward socks, looking for the detox that i had been tossed out of to get my actual clothes back, i was so lost in so many ways. Imagine walking around the streets of NYC in paper clothes and no shoes, half blacked out on benzos, horrible. My memory is hazy, but i found the detox, and they said i couldn’t come back in , but they had my clothes, so i got dressed and got back to the depravity of my drug addicted street life for at least another month.
I’d like to speak into existence some monetary gain from writing, to help me vape and drink sodas
and of course, here’s the link of links, that i post at the end of all my blog entries:
