Today Is Sunday, so of course, I had temple this morning which was nice. I keep running into images of the Hindu deity Ganesh wherever I go, I even found a flag with him on it on liberty avenue, the flag is now in my room.
I guess it isn’t that weird, considering I live in a predominantly Hindu neighborhood, but I take it as a sign from the universe that I’m going the right way.
Tomorrow is 9/9, which is a very special day because it marks the 25th anniversary of the release of the Sega Dreamcast, but it isn’t just a special day because of that. If I make it through today (which is very likely), it’ll be 30 days without any mood or mind altering substances (aside from the 500mg of mood stabilizing Depakote I take nightly).
I don’t want a cookie, or a round of applause or anything. It’s just nice.
I don’t feel like getting into how bad it was before I started going back to meetings (not yet) , but it was far from good. I wasn’t going outside, I wasn’t invited to barbecues (like the one from last weekend) or anywhere else and I didn’t know anyone besides drug people, (nothing against them, humans are human).
Now, I just put my headphones on and walk to wherever there’s a meeting and I discover cool little things about the place I live, things like good dogs, street art, flowers, and other things my weird mind finds interesting. I love it, I look forward to it, and I walk a little slower just to savor it.
My Instagram stories are even more lengthy, and I post a lot more because everything is so exciting.
29 days ago wasn’t the worst physical rock bottom i’ve ever been at, far from it. I literally used to sleep on a heat vent next to the bus station in midtown (just one example). 29 days ago was some kind of spiritual bottom, it just got me up and put me at an AA meeting that’s a 9 minute walk from my house, I joined the group and said i’d be there every Tuesday an hour early to make coffee. I’m by far the whitest and youngest person in the group, and I get a standing ovation for making coffee and setting up chairs. I don’t want any standing ovation for anything, because I haven't done anything, it was all done for me by something beyond my understanding, I firmly believe this.
If I do want to form an understanding, why cant it have a couple extra arms and an elephant face? That fella is showing up everywhere I go, so, why not?
