I’m trying to take care of myself, i’m trying to take care of my mental health because if I don’t, then everything else falls to shit. They don’t make it easy, especially if you’re poor.
I’m out of one of my medications, i’m running out of the other 2. I had to leave the clinic I was going to when I lived in Jamaica when I moved to Hollis, because it’s too far. So I need a psychiatrist. Well after countless phone calls, the next available appointment I could get with a new psychiatrist isn’t until May 2nd. That’s literally a month from now.
I have two other options: go to the psychiatric emergency room at Jamaica hospital, which is a horrifying place where New York’s craziest are just freaking out behind a locked door for what can take up to 12 hours. I’m not doing that, and I cant afford the bus ride ($2.90) anyway.
The other option seems like the best one: go to a walk in clinic tomorrow a half an hour early and hopefully get seen to have my medications refilled. This trip I can also not afford, as it is a bus and subway ($2.90 X 2).
It’s a good thing I’m mentally put together to even figure this shit out, it’s like a rubiks cube trying to keep myself on the medications that help me and I literally require, none of which are controlled.
Why the fuck is the system like this? Why do we only address mental health issues when they become a crisis, i’m trying to avoid a crisis because I re.ally don’t like sitting in psych wards for weeks as I get my medications stabilized.
The system is broken as all fuck, and I’m pissed off about it, man. How am I supposed to keep myself on the good side of insanity when this is what I have to work with?
At least my friend brought me a bunch of pasta and sauces yesterday, so that’s enough to keep eating for a while. Plus I’m going to another food bank today with my old lady cart, which is actually close and at noon. I do believe it stopped raining for my little trip.
Poverty is hard on every part of someone’s life. How is a man supposed to keep his head up, when he can’t even afford to go seek the psychiatric medications that keep him level? I want to be level, I need to be. It sucks having depression. Sometimes, I wonder if it’s depression or life just having really fucking hard circumstances. I wonder which is which, and where the line is.
Listen, I’m not trying to get rich here or buy anything that I don’t absolutely need. I need to go get psychiatric medications. It sucks that this is the position i’m in but if you read this blog, and you get something out of it, please consider dropping me some help in this time of need:
https://ko-fi.com/evr0ck17
