God, it feels like I’ve been hit by a tranquilizer dart these past few days. I wonder what that’s about. Is it the changing seasons or medication changes? It’s always something. I wouldn’t say I’m depressed or anything, just low on energy. I want to do productive things, like finding a job, and then when I can’t do them, I feel guilty. What the the fuck?
So, I Googled the side effects of Zyprexa, the new drug I’m on, and sure enough, there is fatigue listed. I’m not going to tolerate this any longer; I don’t feel like myself.
I don’t know how many blog posts I’ve written about a drug having an unacceptable side effect, but I know it’s quite a few. I’ve never written a post that says, “Oh, I got put on X medication, and now I’m doing so much better.” Seriously, I’m so fed up with this.
I’ve been taking medication for my mood disorder since I was 14, and I can’t even remember all of the medications I’ve tried; there are so many.
I wish I wasn’t repeating myself on this blog so often, talking about the same thing: psychiatry, what the ever loving fuck? I feel like a soulless zombie with no personality. I slept well over 12 hours and will probably have to take a nap this afternoon. All the coffee and prescribed ADHD stimulants are useless.
I have a psychiatrist appointment today, and I’m going to have to tell her that this isn’t going to fly, and then she will likely prescribe some other chemical that will have some other side effect. If I suggest that maybe fewer medications would be better, I’ll be looked at like I have three heads. Psychiatry is like a religion to these people, infallible. I’m here to tell you that I can’t recall it ever curing anything in my head because curing isn’t the point. I’m always going on about that.
Yeah, the doctor told me to stop taking the Zyprexa. So I guess I’ll go back to dealing with whatever problem I had that made her put me on it in the first place. I can’t remember what it was, but I’m sure it wasn’t as bad as feeling like a cardboard cutout of a human with all the personality of a bag of rocks.
What is my personality? What is the disorder? Where is the line? Where do the medications fit in to it all?
Did you know that if you want to, you can buy me a coffee for all of my blogging, if you feel so inclined? It would be a great time to do that!
