Things got dark last week, really dark, as dark as they get. and now, i’m writing from the psych ward ipad on a saturday, the weekends always move really slowly in these kind of places. i cant leave for a few more days, and it sucks.
Posting from the psych ward, and rightfully so. i tried to kill myself by overdosing on heroin at least 3 times, maybe four. i dont really remember much of the days leading up to being here. there were hospitals, intensive care units and runs back to 36th street for more dope to try again.
i know i smoked crack for like a week straight with the girl i knew from rehab, who paid for it all, and then that stopped. i was left blown open and depressed. i couldnt handle it, i felt hopeless like i could never live clean and be ok, and i probably never would.
do i feel any better, a week later? i guess, a little bit. i am on new medications, i suppose they are starting to work. i know i’m not going to just get out of here and get high. i was thinking i’d do that, and planning it for the first few days i was here in the hospital, but my mind changed.
i dont want that. i want a life.
