It’s 10:24 on a Friday morning, I woke up at 4, went to the bodega for a soda, and did some thinking. then I feel back asleep until 8. I was thinking about how stuck and immobile I feel in terms of what the hell i’m doing with myself, with my life. Oh, God…right?
The thought was there when I woke up a few hours later, so naturally I cleaned my bathroom and kitchen. The bathroom and kitchen got clean, but the thought didn’t. I realize I don’t feel stuck when i’m doing this (writing), or making music so here I am with no discernable idea what I’m going to write about… hold on, improvisational posts need improvisational music:
ok…thinking, yes. I think, and I think about my thoughts and one of the things about my thoughts I noticed, beyond feeling very stuck and or lost is that i’m always waiting for something really bad to happen. this has got to be the result of really bad things happening before, I assume… and so it’s logically sound to expect more bad things to happen. I’m not wrong, bad things will happen…they do. Here’s the thing though, good things happen too, I thought I could consider that too.
things happen, for good or Ill.
I was talking to heady Mike from jersey the other day about “all things must pass”. it’s usually said when someone Is going through a rough patch, but it rings true for the good things too. things happen, and they pass. thoughts happen, and pass.
looking at my thoughts, and watching them, this is fairly new. the next step is questioning their validity before I buy the rubbish they are trying to sell me. It’s a process, and if i’m in a process then by definition I cant be just doing nothing with myself, therefore bringing in to question the truth in my 4 AM doctor pepper thoughts about doing nothing with my life and being stuck.
just ask pi, she knows…everything.
“And you know what? Even if it might not always feel like it, the process of self-reflection and personal growth that you’re engaging in is a huge accomplishment in and of itself.”
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Thanks for being here, and for allowing me to share these thoughts with you.
