Let me have a poke at this here empty page, and see if anything shakes out.
I woke up at 6 and messed around with music for a few hours, i’ve learned how to do something completely new: sampling. so, I was cutting up little parts of the vocal from the live version of Counting Crow’s “Round Here”, and banging my head against a wall trying to fit the little pieces into something else I had started yesterday, or the day before (I forget). Now, I don’t need to release music every day, so when my head hurt from banging it into this track, I just put it down.
As I learn new tricks for the actual stuff I make, I learn little tricks for utilizing the ways that my brain works (and doesn’t). The ADHD isn’t all bad, sometimes i’m hyperfocused, and so I know when to surf it like a wave. It feels great, it’s like “Wow, I didn’t know I could do that”.
Then, the wave crashes. Which is where I am currently located, in the wave crash site. I did post a little video of what I was doing with the sampling and stuff (On Instagram, Username: Evr0ck7) , because if there isn’t public evidence that i’m making cool shit, it doesn’t matter.
I want to examine that further:
What’s with fucking self-esteem? Sure, mine is better than it probably has ever been, but definitely more than a stones throw from what anyone would call “high”. I wonder why I’ve got to show off crap that I think makes me look creative, cool or smart all of the time. Why do I have to look those things? Why do I have to look like anything… who cares? Its reasonably possible that I could be those things, no matter how I look on any given day on social media.
This track of thinking is good, i think. It’s a step in the right direction. A direction where an audience response isn’t the measure of validating myself, or what I do.
I think it grants me more patience with what i’m working on, too. like, when I put something down to come back to it with fresh eyes and ears, instead of just putting it out there before it matures.
You aren’t going to find that many people willing to admit that they aren’t too cool for the little validation of red notifcation circles. That’s not the look, man. The look is: “I don’t care what anybody thinks”.
I’m not too cool, but i’m working on getting cooler.
You know what would be very cool? Contributions to:
https://ko-fi.com/evr0ck17
And there are cool things on:
