Writing doesn’t feel right. these last few days it’s felt very forced, and I don’t know why. I’m starting to panic a little bit, like why did I start this blog in the first place and why did I keep doing it for 3 years?
I could never force something, if it ain't coming, it ain't coming. So, I have something I've never really had: writers block.
I don’t like this mental place i’m in, with my lack of creativity. I don’t like these 2 minute posts about having nothing to post, it feels redundant. Yet, this is another one. I don’t even like sharing posts like this on my socials, it’s like…embarrassing.
I’ve arrived at a place, that I was trying to get to for years, as far as having a decent place to live. so, why do I feel all depressed? I don’t really know what to do with myself, now. I don’t feel like myself, now.
I miss being all extra manic and with all kinds of ideas flowing out of me. I had too many ideas at once, just about a week ago, and now I have none at all. The only thing that changed was my location, just a few miles down liberty avenue, I’m going to ease into this place, I know it. I have done this before, this is the nicest place so far.
I need some kind of hustle to make money, I hate being as broke as I am all of the time, living on ramen and pasta from the food bank… at least my food stamps are coming on Tuesday and I can get some good stuff to eat, but we still don’t have our microwave here at the house. I actually have an 80 dollar internet bill coming up on the 24th, that I totally don’t know how i’m going to pay, but everyone needs the internet…especially a blogger. It’s only the first month that’s 80, then it goes down to 50 a month, but still I live on a 200$ a month allowance, 200 minus 50 for internet, and 25 for cell phone, leaves me with 125 a month. I don’t think a lot of people could get by on that, but trust me I’m going to figure it out. I always figure it out. If only I could not get all stressed out, that’s the thing. Stressing doesn’t change anything about it, so why do I have to get all mentally fucked up about things? They are going to be what they are going to be. I really hate that my peace of mind is connected to a number, in an (cash) app, in my phone.
Did you know that you could help me? yes, indeed. if you’re a reader, and this blog has ever done anything for you (probably not in this post, i’m guessing) you could help me keep doing it. my cell phone bill is covered this month but I have no idea how i’m going to keep my home internet working. I have 12 days to figure it out, please help:
So, I don’t know where I got with today’s post, but at least I made one. My creative life is up and down… I should also not stress about this, no one is creative every day, but I still get the fear in the back of my head that it’s gone for good. Like “oh, well that was nice while I could write and make music, but now its gone.” That is very unlikely.
