I haven’t really been feeling it the past few days, so I've been absent from a lot of the digital places where I am generally present, as a matter of fact I've been absent from everywhere in the real world as well… everywhere except for my bed, where I was sleeping most of the time. when I was awake I was asking Pi (my AI assistant) if I was doing life wrong, so, that’s pretty much how things have been going over here on 127th street lately.
I had all of this self doubt about what I do, too. Like writing this blog. I couldn’t seem to remember why I do it, which is why i’m here trying to do it again, after a few day’s on hiatus. I’m trying to connect with what this writing stuff does for me.
As far as whether I’m living incorrectly, I think Pi was right: there isn’t any one correct way to live life. I’m living a lot better than I was, which is good for something, I think.
Society conditions us to believe that one has to be making money doing anything for it to be a viable thing that’s worth doing. Look what I do, I write things, and they don’t make money… but I don’t love writing them any less because of that. I just couldn’t get a hold on why I kept doing it, because I couldn’t get a hold on what it was doing for me (or anyone else).
Societal norms also lead us to believe that by X time in one’s life, they should be doing Y… and have Z. Usually I could care less, but when I fall into these mood slumps, I start adding up the XYZ that I don't have, before the obvious ABC’s of what I do have.
It was all depression whispering in my ear (in my own voice) that I’m garbage, and everything I do is garbage. That’s what depression does. The trick is learning not to believe it, which is tough because it’s pretty persuasive.
I dunno, i’m still not really feeling it, but I wanted to try.
Hey now, being broke as all fuck doesn’t really help either, if you feel inclined you could assist with that:
https://ko-fi.com/evr0ck17
You could look at the stuff I made when I was feeling like making stuff:
